Just a Secretary, a cuppa tea and something peeping around the corner

The 1st of September celebrates both Spring Day and Secretary's Day in South Africa.

Spring is around the corner!

Someone awesome once said "As soon as you sit down to a cup o' tea and a fag, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until your cuppa is cold and you only took one drag of yer fag."   I wonder who that smart-ass was?

Anyhoo, this indeed is the life of Secretary or the Administrative Assistant.  The secretary is responsible for managing the every single thing in the office, running errands for the boss, correspondence, typing, filling forms and fulfilling many other dogs-body duties.  They take care of each and everything so that the office runs smoothly and the every work of their boss will be completed accurately in time. They are the wee hand which has a big role in the success of the company and aren't always appreciated as they should be.  

To all those Office Admin people out there - Happy Secretary's Day!

And finally Spring is on its way to South Africa.  The days are getting warmer and the shorts and t-shirts need to be washed and ironed.  

I've only been bitching about the winter for 5 months...roll on Summer!

Guess Who Got an Award?!

1. Thank the person who gave this award to you:

I've recently started following Beth from Two Monkeys and a Wash Tub.  She has some awesome giveaways but I seem to make her laugh - but I'm not sure this "sweet" award is appropriate for me -  I dunno what blog she's been reading...

2. Copy the award and put it on your blog.

Voila!

3. List three things which you love about yourself.

• My wicked sense of humour and warped mind.  I amuse myself a lot just with my own vivid imagination.
• I'm a good friend and will walk to the ends of the earth for my peeps. 
• My awesome smokin' hawt philtrum

4. Post a picture you love. 

Our Camping Group of Friends (HKGK)

 This picture is full of special people!  Our close group of friends - we camp together, we laugh together, we drink together, we do most things together...Love you all!

5. Pass this award on to 5 of the sweetest bloggers:

Ami Mental 

Juggling Act of Life

Nocturnal Queen

Red Means Go


Hootin' Anni

I don't really do "sweet" but I do have lots of sweet bloggers I follow.

I thought I'd add ONE more thing to this award just because the songs name is Black Horse and Cherry Tree and its one of my favourties by KT Tunstall
.  Enjoy!

Gemini - The Twins

The Twins

I'm not one to read my star signs or believe too much in astrology, I don't like to label people (espeically myself) or put them in a box.

BUT

I'm a typical Gemini - the mercurial butterfly.

I was born on a Wednesday on the 19th of  June 19.. (I won't tell you)

We are said to be adaptable, versatile, communicative and witty.  Intellectual, intuitive and eloquent (excuuuuse me), youthful and lively.  They say we are fickle, talkative and have an interest for the unusual.   Gemini's are also said to be nervous and tense, superficial and inconsistent as well as cunning and inquisitive.  

All true with regards to me.

Gemini is an air sign which means we are thinkers.They emphasize the intellect over other functions. With active minds and a good command of language, the air signs are the natural born communicators. They can be light and breezy as the breath of spring, but their words can also carry the power of a gale force wind. Yes, we're linked with wind - perhaps thats why

I share a birthday with some famous people too - Kathleen Turner, Paula Abul,  Wallis Simpson and Brian Welsh from the Band Korn.  I wonder if they're just like me?

Do you believe in star signs, astrology and do you "fit the bill" when it comes to the star sign you fall under? What famous people share your birthday? 

Anyone care to provide me with a reading?

Good vs Wicked

I don't have the energy for fake conversation so step inside a shopping bag and meet me in the men's bathroom.

One Hump or Two?

You've never heard of that one? 

Surely its not just me!!  They say when you fancy a bit of public shagging, don't do it at a store in the dressing rooms.  Boring! 

Go to the men's bathroom - blokes generally don't use the stalls that often.  They drain the one-eyed snake at the urinals and get the fuck outta there.  So...you're less likely to get caught if you use the men's bathroom.  One step better....one of you steps inside a shopping bag so if someone suspects any humpy pumpy going on and they peek underneath the stall, all they see is one set of feet and a shopping bag.

Genius or wot??

Another public shagging tip (seeing as we're on the subjecct) if you want to become a member of the Mile High Club, book yerself on a night flight when people will be sleeping, book the back seats in the back row.  The toilets are far too cramped and so unsanitary.  You don't wanna get your membership the old-fashioned way...and I'm not talking about your private pilot's license.

Next!

If you wanna get busy in a car, do it at the top of a multi-level parking garage.  Generally its quiet and there aren't any other cars in sight so its less likey that you'll get a knock on your steamed-up window from the Boys in Blue.

Four!

Any Golfers out there?  This is the perfect place for a bit of public lovin'.  Choose a public golf course (usually the country clubs are a bit sticky on finding trespassers and non-members on their land).  Not only is the grass soft and well-manicured, but the risk of getting biten by ticks or accidentally getting a stick lodged in yer bum or even the risk of poison ivy (like in the deep of the woods) is minimal.  No one wants ticks suckin'on their testicals.

Ever been caught by your offspring?  Its no laughing matter when you're grunting and sweating like a pig and your 5 year old silently comes into the room and you don't even notice they are there until you hear the tiny little voice piping up "Faster, Mummy, Faster!".  Instant limp noodle, I reckon, but it is still a wee bit funny.

Any other suggestions?

Retro Reminiscing

I found these old adverts for retro cars that used to mean something to me.

Under R2000?  I spend that on groceries these days!!

This was my first car that I owned.  A wee second-hand powder blue Ford Escort 1.3 which was completely stuffed!  I soon found out that the poor wee thing only ran on 3 cylinders and barely got up Jan Smuts Avenue in the mornings!  I paid R5000 for this second hand fucked-up wee Ford that I named Clifford.

Remember this one?  It was like riding in a frikken boat with all the damn hydraulics!  My pal's Dad had one and it always made me sea sick and want to puke driving in this massive hunk of steel.

I still think Mini's are still damn cool.  I'll bet that wee GTS kicked some serious but on the drag strip!  Now it is only driven by wee old ladies.... 

Yeah, my dad drooled over this Jag back in the day.  His dream car!

1000 engine....Cuuuuute!  Is that a picture of campers at Woodstock? Is that guy on the left taking a dump next to his mini?

Why the Fuck is there a doe-eyed woman with a crocheted skull cap in this advert?  I can't seem to tie up the Datsun 2000 and her.  The fact that her expression suggests she's just going to be hit head-on by the car, wide eyes and flared nostrils -  Such pretty road-kill. 

and now for something completely different....

Thanx to one of my Blog Readers for this link.  Yes, its "Chuck" singing with one of my favourite old Idols Contestants Katherine McPhee.  Well, she's certainly not old but I mean one of the earlier Idols Contestants. I must admit I don't care much for her short blonde hair - she's much prettier as a brunette - but Zach is HAWT!!!!  The song is a little cheesy for me...but just coz Zach is in it - that makes it kewl.

Everyone could use a little magic in their life

Eastwick cast

I've recently discovered Eastwick which has only reached South Africa now and is currently airing Season 1.  I am disappointed to find out there only is one season of this kick-ass series.  What the hell went wrong?

The show follows the lives of three strangers, Roxanne, Joanna and Kat, who meet at a wishing fountain and soon become friends. A mysterious man named Darryl Van Horne moves to Eastwick and, following an unknown plan, befriends the women and unleashes their supernatural powers.

Lindsay Price plays Joanna, a reporter,  in the series and I just love her quirky "Nancy Drew" feel.  She makes me laugh...

Another show I'm enjoying is Chuck.  The series is about an "average computer-whiz-next-door" who receives an encoded e-mail from an old college friend now working in the CIA and the message embeds the only remaining copy of the world's greatest spy secrets into Chucks brain.

Chuck Cast

Thanx to geeky but loveable Bartowski, my seven year old daughter now wants to become a spy when she grows up!  Season 4 of this series started in the states last week and I can't wait until all the Season are on DVD to watch them when I want.

This got My Boerewors and I talking about old TV series that we enjoyed growing up.  

Angela Lansbery

I remembered Murder, She Wrote and the nosey old bat and mystery writer, Jessica Fletcher who I didn't want to miss every week on telly.  

My mum and I used to get so mad with my dad because he always figured out the plot within the first 10 minutes of the episode and always who the murderer was.  He used to brag to us that he knew who it was and would point out clues that would give it away.  He'd say "Now there's a clue!" and I remember saying; "Aw Dad! Don't spoil it for us".

What a sexy Philtrum you have!

Philtrum (pron. fil′trəm) n.  The vertical groove in the midline of the upper lip.  Also known as Cupid's Bow because it is said to resemble the bow of Cupid - the Roman god of erotic love.

I was once told, when I was younger by a woman who owned a modelling agency, that I had beautiful high cheek bones and the most perfect philtrum.  WTF???

I was only 14 at the time and I had no fucking clue what she was talking about!  

The Story goes like this....

Friends of mine had made an appointment to sign up with a modelling agency, and I went along for the ride.  The two sisters who wanted to sign up, wanted it so badly.  It was their dream!  They wanted to glide down the runways in designer clothes and ridiculously high heels.  They wanted the so-called glamorous lifestyle of the Supermodels and have make-up artists and hair stylists faff over them and ooo and aaah at their every pose.

Anyhoo, the day in question, off we went to the modelling agency with the over-protective mother in tow, I tagged along for the day as I was spending the weekend at their house on a sleep-over.  

When their dreams were crushed before their eyes and mine, I felt so sorry for them.  Then again, what DID they expect??  They weren't the typical "model" types.  Average looks, average height, nothing "Heidi Klum" about them.

The woman spent more time talking about my bone structure, my sexy philtrum and my ginger hair.  I was fucking mortified.  I was supposed to be the 5 foot nothing wall flower in the corner going along for the ride.  I said nothing!  The glares and grimaces from the sisters was enough to turn me instantly to ice!  

The trip home was agonisingly quiet and awkward.  The mother tried to "console" her girls and I sat in silence looking out the window not knowing what to say.  I could feel their penetrating stares drill into the back of my skull.

Friendship Over!

14 year old girls are so fucking fickle.  The next week I had a fist fight on the playground at school with the younger sister and got suspended for giving her a black eye and a bloody nose.   Yeah, those were the days, Bitches!   I may be 5 foot nothing but I'll kick yer skinny arses!

I still wondered what the fuck a philtrum was.

I had a dream about this the other night which reminded me a lot of that day and I thought I'd Google and find out what a philtrum was.  I had no idea the wee groove in yer face even had a name.  

There you have it, Peeps.  I have a perfect philtrum!

Here are a few other celebrity types who are also considered to have the perfect philtrum.

Jim Sex-On-Legs Morrisson

Enrique "Rough 'n Rugged" Iglesias

Anna "Cum to Bed Eyes" Kournikova

Elvis Presley "The King"

Someone with NO philtrum. 
I guess you don't quite notice what's missing until its not there!

Some people even pierce their Philtrum!

Who else do you think has a sexy philtrum??

55 FFF - Episode 19

Join the Blorgy of 55 Flash Fiction Friday writers.  The game is to write a complete story in 55 words.  So, head on over to The Blorgologist himself G-Man and hook up with him.

Made only in South Africa 

and usually by hand 

Juicy, Succulent, Spicy and Tender 

Curled up to create a reel of zesty flavour 

Carefully prepared with unique seasonings 

Skinny or Stout with top quality fat 

Arranged in a spiral and braaied to perfection 

Sizzling on the grill, meaty aroma roasting the air 

My Boerewors…

Boerewors aka South African sausage

FlogYoBlog Friday over at Random Ramblings of a SAHM.  

Go check it out

Its also Fawk You Friday over at Boobies. and Blog Stalk Friday  hosted by Rockin' Mami this week

My Fuck Yous for this week:

• A huge FUCK YOU to the skanky deslexic tattoo artist who misspelled my daughters name on my wrist.  Now I'm gonna have to go back and get something I really didn't want.  A fix up - probably with a different colour ink?!?!  Stoopid Whore!
• Fuck you to the change of season at the moment which causes my lips to erupted with sexy crusty sores.  Its totally repulsive.  Just call me fucking Leper Lip! No smooching for me for a while.
•  South African school teachers have been on strike forever and its time those arsewipes get back to work and stop disrupting my wee lassies life.  Stoning the schools will NOT bring you wage increases, morons.
• Fuck you to Facebook that takes up too much of my time and therefore I havedeactivated my account.  Read my blog rather, assbags.

Have an awesome weekend!

Read it....Or Not!

I started this blog nearly three years ago.

I began blogging to share my photos with overseas family and to keep them up to date with our lives, where we’d been and what we were up to.  It was a great way to share without being on the phone or email for long amounts of time.  My Boerewors’ brother was overseas and greatly appreciated the regular updates, all my family in Scotland could go log on and see pictures of how the girls were growing and the fun stuff we’d done together and the interesting places we’d visited. 

This journey of blogging has been an awesome experience and is forever changing.

Not only have I enjoyed posting but writing it has become quite a therapy for me.  I have enjoyed the creativity of moulding my wee blog.  And in all honestly, it has been through my blog that I have found my love for expressing myself.  It may not always been grammatically correct and my spelling can often be atrocious.  I guess my brain thinks too fast for my fingers and I want to get “it down” before it escapes my head.

Writing and posting on my blog for all the world to see is liberating and sometimes scary.  Scary because you never know who you are going to attract or offend.  I’ve come to the conclusion that if you don’t like it – don’t read it.  Since this is been all about what tickles me and what I find interesting and funny.  And, who knows, I may entertain a few people along the way. 

It has been doing this that I have found who I really am, what I really love doing, what is important to me and how I want to strive to hold on to those things. 

I realise now why I’m continuing to blog. 

Not only have I “met” some fabulous and interesting people along the way, but I have become open to finding out what makes other people passionate.  In turn, it has revealed things about my that I never knew and didn’t explore.

I may divulge too much information sometimes, I may swear far too much, I expose details and open my mouth and let my lips flap.  That’s me.  I’m a blabbermouth and sometimes I don’t know when to shut up.  I unlock my jaw and out it comes!

Read it – or don’t. I will continue flapping my lips and letting my voice be heard because in the nearly three years I have been blogging, I've never once wondered "what on earth shall I post today".

That’s the way I roll.

What Women Want

We expect a lot from our spouses: a shoulder to lean on, a tiger in bed, taking care of various things including servicing our pipes every now and then and being a true partner.  But are there certain, more specific things that women really want from their husbands? 

Absa Damn Lootly!

Don't be sparing with your "I love yous"

One of the primary things we woman want from her husband requires nearly no effort on his part.  Women want to be told they are loved and not just occasionally … every single day.

Studies have indicated that relationships where the words are actually said every day are stronger than those where "I love you" is said less frequently.

Be understanding and forgiving

Understanding and forgiveness are also high on the list.  Everyone makes mistakes, so it’s imperative that we all learn how to get over these.

Women often feel need to be SuperWoman and have the desire to make things as perfect as possible for their husbands and families.  We worry and fret over insignificant details, like when dinner gets burned or packing favourite sarmy fillers.  Yeah I know, we're a complex breed!

But its a husband’s reaction to these times is essential to helping lay the foundation for handling larger problems.

Sharing and communication

We women are, by nature, sharing creatures.  We like to share life stories, experiences and emotions with their friends, families and especially their husbands - and they also want others to share these same things with them.

It’s very upsetting when you feel someone isn’t listening or willing to share in return. This is the vital factor of communication in a marriage, and is one of the top reasons marriages break up.

Communication between a husband and wife shouldn’t just revolve around the kids or work (that’s usually a sign that the marriage is in trouble). There should be talk of the future, the past, hopes, dreams, disappointments, pretty much everything and anything.

Sharing responsibilities

Sharing responsibilities is another important aspect women want from their husbands. It’s also one of the most common causes for martial spats.  Taking care of the house and children should not fall solely on the shoulders of the person that has the tits - especially if she's a working mum.

Everyone who lives in a household, including the kids, should help out (without being asked, told or nagged).

Give her some time off

Something small that husbands can do for their wives is to build in some time for her to have some time off from work.  This doesn’t just mean having weekends where she doesn’t have to go to the office, it includes days where she doesn’t have to take care of the kids or the house.

In many households men work one job where they leave the house for eight or more hours and come home to dinner and then sit on the couch, fart and watch telly.  Those assbag slobs need to pull their finger outta their rectums and help with the chores!

Many women leave the house for eight or more hours to work in an office, come home to work some more (fixing dinner, cleaning, taking care of kids) and then go to bed.  Where’s the downtime?  Everyone needs some time to rest, relax, and rejuvenate.

Take heed!  Men who want happy wives and solid relationships can help by ensuring this need is met.  

Yip something like this...

So, rush out and buy a chaise loungue, let us lie back while you feed us grapes or better yet make them into a good wine.
One of the most surprising things to most men is that what women really want from them usually doesn’t cost money.  It doesn’t generally take too much time or effort either.  

What women want from men is a partner they can rely on, talk to, and share with.  

It’s that simple.

 A wee romantic poem every now and then... and a firm,tight ass doesn't hurt either.

Boobies Does It - So Can I

So Boobies, Babies and A Blog Does Follow Me Back Tuesday and links up dozens of really awesome blogs to follow and go and read.  I don't normally like these Follow Me Linky Links but this week I found a few goodies in amongst the Giveaway Whores.  Geezo do I detest those...especially because most of them are in the US of A and I can't fucking enter.  Skanks!

Xmas Dolly and Two Monkeys and a Washtub


Anyhoo, I'm doing it - like it or lump it.

Put THAT in yer pipe 'n smoke it!

Move over LBD!

Little White Dress

Move over LBD aka Little Black Dress!

The LWD aka Little White Dress is a breath of fresh air and is one of this Spring/Summer season's simple hottest little trends. 

Now, I'm not one to follow the trends in fashion, I wear what suits my five-foot flabby frame or try at least. So, white on me looks a little putrid and pasty.  I already have that ginger complexion which makes my skin look transparent with a slightly blue tinge [vomit] so I generally don't wear too much white. 


Secondly, the fact that white clothes show every piece of celulite that maybe only half developed and, lastly, white with two young girls is not a good idea.  You land up looking like a homeless person by the end of the day with chocolate smears and lollipop stains.  Its just not practical.

Coco Chanel in her Classic White Suit

Nevertheless, I still love white.  I've always dreamt of owning, and wearing,  a snow white hanel suit complete with Prada Clutch, Christian Louboutin heels and Tiffani bling.  A girl can dream, can't she?

Some more LWDs

Sexy Trench

The other trend of this season that I ADORE is, The Trenchcoat Dress. 

Not only is this uber hawt, but it always reminds me of a dirty old man flashing his wrinkled genitals to under-age girls in public.  Skanky and sexy at the same time.  I always imagine the wearer being buck nekkid underneath. 

There is someonthing really sexy about the Trench Coat Dress, well to me anyway.

So there are some other trends:

Short Shorts, Fringes, Ruffles, and over-sized bows are also included in the top 20 rules for this season, but they are plain and simply fucking HIDEOUS!  They're only made for the ultra skinny and if you're anything heavier than anorexic, forget it, you're just gonna look like a dumbass.

Fugly Oversized Bows

Short Shorts

Fringes.  Can you believe this fugly bag is Prada?

Fuck You!

I stole this from NOT WORTH MENTIONING who has a brilliant blog that I recently started following.  This got me laughing and had me laughing right until the end.

So, if you're feeling particularly depressed because tomorrow is Monday again and its back to the grind, this will cheer you up for a few minutes.

When Claire Jane Came to Visit

I looked after my niece last night while my sister, Janie and Mick went out for a well-deserved and well-overdue date.  They went out for dinner and to a club afterwards and had a good old time!

We got to spend time with Claire Jane and she is just too adorable.  Whether she's sleeping or awake, she's just a wee angel!  Lots of kisses and cuddles and quality time with her Aunty Gillian.

I'm happy today...

Claire Jane

Megan, Kaylin and Claire aka CJ

Megan, Kaylin and Claire

Kisses for Doggie from Claire

Claire Jane

Bedtime, finally!

Got Ink'd

My Boerewors and I went for our ink today and got matching amazing tattoos.  the girls came with us and were facinated by the entire process of getting tattoos. 

My Boerewors decided on plain black ink and I went for white ink. 

The white ink takes a while to "develop" so what you see in the pix is the purple of the transfer but when thats washed off, only the white ink will remain.  Its very subtle and I like it.  I may need to go for some touch- ups once I can "see" it properly as its difficult to see how complete it is right now.  I not 100% happy with the definition so far...

But all-in-all I'm happy.  I can't wait  for the colour to "pop" and see my tats.  Here are some pictures:

Megan and her ink (don't worry its just a transfer)

Riaan's Right Arm

Riaan's Left Arm

My Right Wrist

My Left Arm (still bleeding)