Fancy a Big Breakfast?

Mario's Cafe in Warren Street, London, do a BIG breakfast for 10 quid ($15).
 

It's 10 fried eggs, 10 pieces of bacon, 10 pork sausage, 10 slices of buttered toast, 5 black puddings, tomatoes, beans and mushrooms.

What, no Chips with that?

This breakfast packs in a massive 5 000 calories.  Thats nearly TWICE the recommended daily intake for an average man.  A spokesman for the British Heart Foundation said: "Eating this amount in one sitting is not a good idea.".  

No shit Sherlock?

Check out the blokes packin' it away....

55 Friday

Mr KnowItAll and a few other bloggers play this writing game on Fridays, called 55 Fiction Fridays, or 55 Fridays. 


The idea is to write a complete story in only 55 words.   Join us!



another day
lacking sunshine
winter turns up
gracing us
with cool approach
swallowing the fever
of summer

a nip in the air
chilly winds blow
ruffling hair
turning collars up
crossing arms
walking fast

hibernation begins
huddled under cover
hide away
lie dormant
until the home-coming
of the searing fever
creating a glow and blush

Who have you always wanted to meet face to face and why?

I asked this question yesterday when I posted about my sister meeting Jack Bruce in London.  I said I would tell you who I'd like to meet face to face.

 My answer is :

Paul Hewson aka Bono from the band U2.  Not only is he soopa talented and has the most dreamy accent,but he gets hawter as he gets older.  He’salways had strong political and religious undertones in his music with U2.  I’ll bet he’d be fascinating to talk to andawesome to party with.  He can shake hisstuff on my table anyday!

Sir Paul Hewson has even been nominated for the Nobel PeacePrize and knighted by the Queen.  I’llbet you didn’t know that?  But you couldguess with the amount of humanitarian and charity work he does, he’s bound toscramble up some awards.

Paul Hewson is a great guy, who’s been married to the samegirl for nearly 30 years, which is usually non-existing in the entertainment industry(let alone rock ‘n roll) and has four kids including two gorgeous teenagegirls.

Who would you like to meet and why??

Jack Bruce

My Sister flew to the UK on Monday night  to meet the infamous Jack Bruce.  Jack was the bassist for the 60's band Cream and my sis has been fan for ages.  Last night she got the opportunity to meet him face to face - thanks to her befriending his daughter, Natascha on My Space a few years ago.

She was invited to join him in London for his Jack Bruce In Conversation with Neil McCormick.  They also auctioned a 'Fresh Cream' Vinyl signed by Jack Bruce, Eric Clapton & Ginger Baker!  I wonder if she did any bidding for it???

Her text to me this morning:  Met Jack last night up close - in between the hits, the interview and the q&a, he sang some rabbie burns (tears for me).  After it all, I met Jack backstage (tx 2 Mick!) and we got on so well, we all went out in to soho 4 dinner and some great wine. he's a colourful Show allcheeky wee scot -just like me and you! What a night!

How awesome was that?  To follow your dream and drop everything to do it.

I'm sooo excited for you, Janie!

My question now is - who have you always wanted to meet face to face and why?

Pop in tomorrow and I'll tell you my answer to this.

Whack-a-Doodle Internet

Righty-ho so....lately my internet connection has reeked like shizzle so I've had to watch my legs hairs grow while I wait for your bloggy pages to load and thus I have not done as much bloggy reading as I normally do [insert scores of  requests for forgiveness here].

Sorry everyone, and I do mean everyone, for not being as dedicated-a-comentator as I normally am. I know that all you hold your breath with anticipation when reading my twaddle in your comments section. 

Anyhoo, I'm pissy as all hell and hopefully soon those imprudent thickos at Telkom get their scrawny arses into gear and fix my damn sloth-of-a-internet connection..

Did you hear me? 

Well? 

Did you?

Just fix it demmit!

Is it fixed yet?  I need to harvest ma crops.

Wicked Wednesday

I'm feeling particularly wicked today.  For those sarcastic moments when you need just the right insult ... 

• Do you want some cheese with that whine?
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• Does your train of thought have a caboose?
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• A PBS mind in an MTV world.
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
• Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. 
• South Africa: where the pizza arrives before the police.
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup and heels.
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
• An office is just a padded cell without a door.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realise you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Can I swap this job for what's behind door number 1?
• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
• Murphy's Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
• Chaos, panic and disorder -- my work here is done.
• I plead contemporary insanity.
• How do I set a laser printer to stun?
• Meandering to a different drummer. 

Kiss me to fiercely
Hold me to tight
I need help believing
You're with me tonight

My wildest dreamings
could not foresee
Lying beside you
With you wanting me

[CHORUS]
Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance
and crossed some borderline
And if it turns out
It's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
as long as you're mine.

Fiyero:
Maybe I'm brainless
Maybe I'm wise
but you've got me seeing
through different eyes

Somehow I've fallen
Under your spell
And somehow i'm feeling
It's up that i fell

Both:
Every moment
As long as you'er mine
I'll wake up my body
and make up for lost time

Fiyero:
Say there's no future
for us as a pair

Both:
And though I may know
I don't care

Just for this moment
As long as you're mine
Come be how you want to
And see how bright we shine
Borrow the moonlight
until it is through
And know I'll be here holding you
As long as you're mine

Happy Freedom Day

Freedom Day is an annual celebration of South Africa's first non-racial democratic elections of 1994. Peace, unity, the preservation and the restoration of human dignity hallmarks Freedom Day celebrations on the 27th of April of each year.


The road to democracy was a long and difficult one. And so were teh queues back in 1994.  I stood in line for 5 hours to put my mark on a piece of paper.  The mood was jovial, the atmosphere full of hope for the future.  Blacks and whites together, making a change for their country - together!

South Africans are "One people with one destiny". It is therefore imperative for South Africans of diverse political and economic backgrounds to work towards a common objective. On Freedom Day we celebrate the relentless efforts of those who fought for liberation, of the many men and women who took up arms and courted imprisonment, bannings and torture on behalf of the oppressed masses.

However "Are we really free when our people remain poor, when there is mass unemployment, unwarranted violence and crime"? Freedom should mean emancipation from poverty, unemployment, racism, sexism and other forms of discrimination- but poverty continues to exist, with black people, women, children, the disabled and the elderly. "We need to continue to work to eradicate poverty, racial inequalities and socio-economic disparities,"

Freedom Day means something very valuable, the necessary condition for us to achieve the vital and fundamental objective of a better life for all.

On Freedom Day, we commit ourselves to ensuring the defence of the sacred freedoms that we had won as a result of a long, difficult and costly struggle. We remind ourselves that the guarantee of these freedoms requires permanent vigilance. It should be our pledge to devote ourselves to continue to work to wipe out the legacy of racism in our country.

We need to ensure that all our people enjoy these freedoms not merely as theoretical rights but they must form the daily life experience of all South Africans.

Girls Day

Megan, Kaylin and I had the day off school and work so we lazed around in our jammies until about midday and then went out shopping.  I needed to get Megan her winter school uniform for going back to school on Wednesday.  We stopped in at Magic Company for a bit of fun and afterwards popped into Wimpy for lunch.  I spotted a funky pair of shoes I fell in love with.

We came home and I helped the girls paint their new money boxes they got.

A relaxing, fun day...

Megan

Megan

Kaylin

Kaylin painting her aeroplane money box

Megan painting her cow money box

The shoes I fell in love with.

My New Toy!

My beautiful Boerewors surprised me this weekend and bought me a brand spanking new Salon GHD.  I couldn't be happier and got to use it for the first time today.

Super easy, super fast, super sleek lookin' hair in about 10 minutes!  WOW!

How did I manage without you?

THANK YOU to my wonderful man who spoils me rotten!!

Ice Skating at Festival Mall

A bunch of us went skating at Festival Mall today and it was so much fun!

Megan was a star from the minute she got on the ice and even Kaylin gave it a go.  We had good laughs, good falls and went for lunch afterwards.

A great day!

Why I love Being A Mum

1) NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers & wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother.. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE (I love this one)

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

55 Friday

Some of the bloggers over at Sepia Mutiny and Mr KnowItAll play this writing game on Fridays, called 55 Fiction Fridays, or 55 Fridays. 

The idea is to write a complete story in only 55 words. 

I'm going to start 55 Fridays today on my blog! 

Remember I don't claim to be a writer but I hope you join me and see if we can have a laugh. 

So, get your pen poised and either write a 55 word story on your own blog, or you can post it in my comments below. 

Have fun! 

a long weekend 

is around the corner 

flashing his red light in my face 

trying to get my attention 

he is calling me 

enticing me 

luring me 

with his assets 

amuse me 

delight me 

take me to your lair 

retreat 

relax 

refresh 

my body and mind 

seize me 

give me 

four days of pure bliss

And you thought the French were bad drivers!

Here are some hard and fast rules for surviving driving in South Africa during the 2010 Soccer World Cup.

1. Never indicate - this will give away your next move. A real South African driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign.  No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended or hi-jacked.

5. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS and EBD kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a guideline. They are especially not applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....'

8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you WILL  be mugged.

10. Learn to swerve abruptly.  South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driving thanks to the government, which puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on their toes.

11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic lights and birds from making a shit on your car.

12. Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

13. On average, at least three cars can still go through an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush hour.

Now guys go out there today and make South Africa proud!!!

A few Blog Awards that I'm dishing out

A couple of awards I want to give.  Just Because I Can and its my blog and I'll do what I want, okay?!

The first one goes to Green Eyed Momster just because she's one of my most dedicated commentators on my blog and never fails to make me smile AND she absa lootly adores getting awards.  No one else would appreciate it more.

I have two others the deserve this award too:  KK and Cat from Juggling Act of Life as they come in a close second in reading my drivel-filled bloggy.  Thanx for being such supportive commentators.  Thanx girls!!

The next award goes to an Extraordinary Blogger and that be Christie .  She's doing the most awesome music challenge over at her blog at the moment.  Go check it out!

The Twins Turn Two

Dear Twins

You turned Turned Two this week.

It feels like longer - how did I manage without my D-Cup Cleveage?


Happy Birthday Boobies!


Love you 
Forever

I Got to Print - again!

Our local paper featured me again - or at least featured one of my comments on their chat forum.

MuthaFuckin Suspected Brain Tumor

On Sunday night I woke up at 1am with the worst chronic pain ever!

It felt like someone was jamming a very pointy rusty nail deep into the root of one of my teeth.  The entire right side of my face hurt and the pain shot up into my head and deep down into my jaw bone. 

I was in total agony!

After moaning like an dying old fucking cow and pacing up and down the passage clutching my face, I managed to find some Synap Forte that I had left over from a surgery I had about a year ago.  I popped two immediately. It look a while for them to kick in - it was the worst and longest 40 minutes ever... 

I held my face tight with both hands and rocked myself back and forward, sobbing like a heart-broken child.  Why does applying pressure to a painful area seem to soothe it?  Nothing would take this kind of pain away...

I was contemplating finding my Boerewors' tool box and using his rusty pliers to rip that muthafuckin-piece-of-shit-tooth out by myself!  I was actually thinking about doing a "Worzel Gummidge" and ripping my own damn head off!  I have never experienced such stabbing pain.  Never!  

Fuck it!  I would even go through natural childbirth TWICE rather than go through that pain.  It was actually blinding - undescribable agony.

My Boerewors tried to help - bless him - by applying a hot face cloth to the area, he even suggested we go to the ER.  He said he's never seen me in such pain.  Thanx to the drugs, I eventually fell asleep and apparently I was talking gobbledy goop in my sleep, completely delirious - the drugs were obviously good shit. 

On Monday morning when I woke up, I popped another two Synap Forte (my new Best Friend just by the way) and I dragged myself to work.  I made an emergency appointment with my Dentist.  He squeezed me in and took a panorama x-ray of my aching face.  His diagnosis?  An abscess!  You tell me - how the fuck can an infection cause such awesome pain??  

No seriously!  Surley I at least have a fucking brain tumor the size of a large pumpkin to explain the pain I experienced?

So anyhoo,  I walked around dazed and drugged at work the entire day on Monday and of course everyone suggested and offered various toothache home remedies from whiskey, rescue remedy and making a poltus paste with paracetamol and anesthetic cream and applying it straight onto the throbbing area.

I was hearing nothing of it!  I had My New Best Friend - Synap Forte!

So, bottom line, I'm on a pretty heavy doze of penicillin antibiotics (two HUGE horse pills), anti-inflammatory, inter flora and My New Best Friends aka Synap Forte three times a day. 

As you can imagine, I now have minimal pain with my prescription drugs but I'm flying high in a completely different planet.  Its a weird feeling but oh so nice...

Wish me luck for Root Canal next week, when my infection has hopefully cleared up and the Dentist can actually come into contact with my tooth with his wee pointy instrument.

Urgh!  More Synap Forte please! 

Or can someone source these Cocaine Toothache Drops.  They do claim instantaneous cure - for only 15 cents!  Fucking Bargain!

He's Stuck!!!

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

At 60 off came the pants.

At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He swerved off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said.

"I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

"You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help.

Along came a truck driver.

Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.

"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies: "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

Evening Away

My Boerewors and I went for a well-deserved break to Thaba Ya Batswana yesterday and today - kiddie free!  Thanx to my sister-in-law for offering to look after the girls while we got some R & R with colleagues from work.

We arrived Saturday lunchtime and booked into the Spa straight away for a full body Swedish massage.  Heaven on Earth!  I couldn't have been more relaxed when I floated out of there to check into our room.  The rooms were gorgeous with massive king size bed, luxury bathroom to die for overlooking the hills and a fully stocked mini-bar.  Beautiful!

After freshening up, we met friends at the pool where we spent the afternoon dipping our feet in the pool (only Stuart was brave enuff to swim) and polished off a few bottles of good wine with brilliant company and conversation.  A well-oiled Gillian got swept off her feet (quite literally) by Steven and I went down hard on my ankle and Steven injured his foot.  Sharon and Stuart had a turn to wreck one of the pool loungers.  Bloody piss cats!  You can't take us anywhere!!!

By the time the sun went to bed,  we were all starving and ready to munch.  We all went off to our rooms to freshen up again and get dressed for dinner at the Kraal Kombuis Restaurant.  The food was great, the drinks were plenty and the company was hysterical.

Feeling a little delicate the next day, we got dressed and went up for a scrumptious buffet breakfast.  Everything you could wish for.  All I wanted was cafffine and nicotine - to get me going....

A brilliant weekend away.

The Rustic Rooms

The rooms were sprinkled with rose petals

The king size bed

Cathy by the pool

Taking a stroll around the pool

(actually I was trying to get the bottle of wine back that we left floating in the pool to keep it cool)

Our very own extra large ice bucket

Sharon and Stuart wrecked one of the pool loungers fooling around on it.

Kyle and Robz

Sharon and Stuart

Kyle with his shower cap on

(his first time in a hotel) so he had to try everything out,

including making a HUGE dent in the mini-bar.

One of the outdoor lounges

Robz having a snack

Steven

The girls getting drunk and disorderly.

Well-oiled and dressed for dinner

Drunk and Disorderly at Dinner

Sharon and Steven striking a pose at the dinner table

One of the stunning little pathways on the walk up to the restaurant

Stuart's birthday is on Thursday and Sharon had organised

for cheese cake to be served to celebrate his birthday. 

He was surprised when he was presented with his special cake and we sung him happy birthday.