Conversations With Megan

Megan has just turned eight.  We had the following conversation last night.

Megan:  There's a boy teasing me in my class.  He's calling me "Sweetie Pie" but all sarcastic.


Me:  Do you know what sarcastic means?


Megan:  Yes!  Like when you say "Oh yeah you look great" when you know they don't.


Me :  Yeah, like that.

(Sarcasm is rife in our house - my kids had to learn to deal with it and understand it very early in life)

Me:  *Gives the usual confidence booster/bully speech* Don't let anyone get to you, Megan.  He's the silly little boy for calling you names.  Insult  him back!  Thinking of something to say to him that will make him think twice about coming back and annoying you.


Megan:  What do I say?


Me:  Tell him to talk to the hand, hold up your hand like this, give a bit of the old attitude, then call him a Silly Little Boy.  Boys your age detest to be called silly and little and boys. 


Megan:  Oh! *pondering*....Mum, do me a favour...


Me:  Sure, Megan...


Megan:  Lick my bum and tell me what flavour it is.  Next Please! *holding the palm on her hand up with ATTITUDE*


Me :  WHAT?!!


Megan very quickly:  Like that mum?


Me : *laughing my arse off*  Yeah just like that Megan.


With much disapproval from her Daddy...


Daddy:  You can't say that!


Me:  Why not?!  That little bugger is calling my baby ugly names!  He deserves some attitude and an insult or two.


Daddy:  What if there's a teacher nearby. Then you'll be punished.


Megan whispering to me :  I still think its funny *giggle*


So did I...

This is what The Boerewors suggested:

WHAT

EVER

LOSER

Conversations with Megan

I have a T-shirt that reads: 

"What happens in the tent stays in the tent" and has a picture of a wee tent with love hearts floating out of the tent zip.

I was wearing it the other day and Megan (my 7 year old wee lassie) spells out all the words and reads the T-shirt.

I see her pause and ponder.



I asked her "Megan, what do you think happens in the tent that needs to stay in the tent?"


She smiled, hugs my legs and looks up at me grinning and says "When mum's and dad's are giving each other luuurve" and proceeds to give the most adorable pink blush and single shoulder shrug.


Spot on, Megan, spot on! 

Who knew a 7 year old knew these things?

How dead cute is she?

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his SweatShirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?''It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'He yelled back, ' Liverpool .'And they say blondes are dumb... 

A couple are lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?''Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied. 

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? 

A: A Rumour 

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!Gotta love that fairy! 

Dear Lord,I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. 

Q: Why do little boys whine? 

A: They are practicing to be men

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? 

A: Trustworthy. 

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? 

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. 

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? 

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: How do you keep your man from reading your e-mail? 

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals' 

Conversations with Megan

Megan :  Mum, can you pull my tooth out so that I can get some money from the Tooth Fairy?

Me:  Megan, you can't just pull a tooth out because you want money! 

Megan:  But its a little loose.

Me:  Yes, but its got to come out on its own. 

Megan:  But its a baby tooth.  I can grow another one.

Me :  Geezo Megan!  What if I punched you in the mouth and your two BIG front teeth fell out?  Those are your adult teeth and you can't grow more after that.

My Boerewors :  If I knocked my teeth out, will the Tooth Fairy give me money for my big teeth?

Megan:  *shrug* I dunno. 

*pause*

Megan :  Mum, why don't you phone Granny and ask her - she's loosing her teeth!

Fits of laughter followed that conversation...

Conversations With Megan

Megan declared :  We got a new teacher at school today, Mum.


Me :  Oh yeah?  Is that Mrs Smith?


Megan :  Yes.  How did you know?


Me :  Mum's know everything! (I read the newsletter that Megan's regular teacher went into hospital for a hysterectomy and won't be back this term).  Is she nice?

Megan :  Yes, but she's old.


Me :  As old as mummy?


Megan:  No way!!

Geezo!  How to make Mum feel over-the-hill and totally unsexy in one easy step by 7 year old Megan.

Conversations with Megan

We were sitting on the couch watching Greys and a scene came on with Kaylee smooching her girlfirend.  I quickly changed the channel but Megan piped up:

Megan : Mum, when two girls kiss it means they're gay.

Me *shocked* :  Yes my girl, everyone likes different things.

Megan :  And when two boys kiss that means they're also gay.

Me :  Yes Megan.

Megan :  Can I have some juice?

Me : Sure my girl.

Standing in the kitchen pouring her some juice, I was wondering what to make of this. She was so casual about her comment that I didn't want to take that away from her.  She felt so comfortable to chat to me about these things without blinking an eye.  I must be doing something right.  Right?

Conversations with Megan

Last night after the bath, Megan was sitting on the bedroom floor carpet, her dad blowdrying her hair and we were talking about dangerous things in and around the home.

She was listing the usual things:

• Don't run with scissors


• Don't stick your finger in the electric plug holes


• Don't touch the hot stove

and then...

• "A hairdrier, because if Daddy puts the hairdrier too near my hair it BURNS MY HEAD like he's doing NOW *pointing with both thumbs towards her scalp* Och!!!

Gosh I laughed at her...so matter of fact...

Conversations With Megan

In the car on the way home from school:

Megan : We learned about occupations at school today.

Me : WOW, Meg thats a big word. Do you know what it means?

Megan: Yes, it means what job you're going to do when you're big.

Me : Very good, Megan and have you decided what you want to be when you're big?

Megan: Yes.

Me: Would you like to tell me?

Megan: Yes, I want to be a fire-fighter and at the end of the month, when I get my money, I'm going to buy a big white bakkie (pick up truck) and a blue four-wheeler.

Me : *Trying not to giggle* Seems you have it all planned out.

Megan : Are you laughing at me mummy?

Me : No! I am just smiling.

Megan : Then I will go on holiday with my four-wheeler on the back of the bakkie.

Me : Are you going to get married when you're big?

Megan : NO!! I am not going to marry anyone!

Me : Why not?

Megan : Boys are naughty and they say ugly words.

Me : *trying hard not to laugh again* Yes, so where are you going to stay when you're big - on your own?

Megan : NO! I'm going to stay with you.

So much for job satisfaction, Megan ...just gimme the salary and the stuff!!!

Conversations with Megan

In the car on the way home from school yesterday Megan pipes up:

Megan : "Mum, did you know that Moses gave us the Ten Commandments so that we may live in peace?".

Me : "WOW Megan did you learn that at school?"

Megan : "Yes, Teacher was reading from the bible and telling us about the Ten Commandments".

Me : "Did she tell you what the The Ten Commanments are?"

Megan: "Yes but I can't remember".

Me : "Well, let me try and remind you what they are : Thou Shalt Not Kill, Thou Shalt not take the Lords name in vain".

Megan : "Yes..Thou shouldn't kick your friends or run in class.

Me : *trying not to giggle* "I think those are your class rules, sunshine".

Megan : Oh Okay...