I'm A Guest Blogger and Fabulously Flawed

I am pleased as all shite to be Guest Post over at Lesley’s Fabulously Flawed today. 

Lesley is pretty and funny and I love reading her kick-ass Blog.   

I’m super jealous of her because she can whip up the most adorable hand-made jewelry in the blink of an eye and it better than most of the stuff you see on Etsy.com.  

Awesome!  Go check it out.

Shout outs included in my guest post are: my Bitch, Kelly at MagnetoBoldToo, Lori and Colourful Rants of a fed up Sista.

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The Top 10 Not-So-Hot Bitches

My buddy El Jefe (he finks he's kewler dan me) wrote a wee guest post for us today. 

Yay, Go Jefster!  

So, off ye go and give him some love and pop in for a visit over at El Blog de Steve aka The Boss aka El Jefe.  He actually has more aka's than a dog could shite!

The Top 10 "Not-So-Hot" Actresses 

by The Boss

I recently posted a picture of a muscular Cameron Diaz on my blog. A friend of mine told me he loved the pic and that he thought she was so hot! I almost gagged! I do not find her the least bit attractive. Dude, you have some weird tastes or something. And my buddy was kind of a wimpy guy. Why would you want to go out with a chick that could kick your ass? You are asking for trouble. She asks a question and you answer wrong -- WATCH OUT! Your ass is goin' down!

Anyway, this got me to thinking about actresses that alot of guys think are hot, but I do not find very attractive at all. I came up with 10 of them in no particular order. See if you agree with me on these:

1. Cameron Diaz 

She has big muscles, which in itself does not make her ugly. I actually like a girl that is fit and in shape. If you have too much muscle, then it is a problem, Female bodybuyilders are not all that attractive. Probably because the steroids they take make their boobs shrink and their face look like a guy. Anyway, there is something else that makes Cameron Diaz look bad to me. It is the fact that she looks "old". Actually, she looks older than she really is. I look at her and I see a lady that looks like she is in her upper 50's or lower 60's. She is starting to get wrinkles in the face. Her body looks good around the shoulders and arms, but what about the rest? Is her tummy and butt getting wrinkled? Does she have stretch marks from working out? These are questions that I want answers too. She just doesn't do it for me. 

2. Renee Zellweger 

First, a fun fact: I went to school with Zellweger. She was taking classes at the University of Texas the same time I was attending school there. A friend of mine claims that we had one mutual friend and were at the same party several times. I have no idea if he is full of it or not. I guess she wasn't hot in college or I would have noticed her, even if it was before she was a star. She looked OK in Jerry Maguire, but not "HOT" This chick goes from anorexic looking to pudgy to frail to fat to normal and back to bulky in a matter of a month. What is up with that? Is that healthy? And her look is just so...boring! She always looks like the plain girl next door that was a little nerdy and very boring. 

3. Sarah Jessica Parker 

My foot (complete with in-grown toenail) is better looking. I hate anytime I ever have to look at her. As a matter of fact, I feel ill anytime I have to think about looking at her. Excuse me while I go to the bathroom to puke. 

4. Hilary Swank 

Not the least bit attractive! I cringe to look at her. She is a great actress, but she will never win any beauty contests. EW!!! Apparently she grew up around the Mount Ayr and Creston, Iowa area. I have several students who are her cousin. That is cool, but she still is kind of ugly. Sorry, I am just being honest...

5. Nicole Kidman 

I have just never seen it in her. She is average looking to me. Not "Hot". I hear people talk of her "intense" beauty and her "sexiness." I do not see it! Maybe it is the red hair but I have reddish hair and people aren't swooning all over me saying how sexy I am!!! By the way, I think she dumped Tom Cruise and is now with Keith Urban because she looked even uglier with Cruise, but with Urban, she looks ok. Let's face it, Keith Urban is no Tom Cruise. 

6. Drew Barrymore 

Not hot at all. She can look sexy in a trashy kind of way sometimes, but definitely not Hot. Not even when she went through her slutty stage was she "Hot." She is not a great actress and she talks funny too. And her past kind of freaks me out too. She was smoking before she hit 10, doing Coke (Yes, the blow!) before she was a teenager and she supposedly lost her virginity at age 12 or 13. WOW! I bet there are street hookers in NYC who were 25 before they had done all the things she did before hitting her teenage years.

7. Maggie Gyllenhaal 

A couple of years ago, she was listed as one of the Top 50 Hottest Actresses by People. WTF!!! HOW? She is Ugly! A complete Dog! Wasn't she in Batman or Spiderman or something like that? What freakin' superhero would want to go out with her? I mean you are a super hero for Christ's sake! Go for a model or other hottie, not Maggie "Bow-Wow" Gyllenhall. 

8. Kirsten Dunst 

Almost as bad as Maggie Gyllenhaal. Not much to look at with her. Plain and can put on the pounds just like Renee Zellweger. 

9. Kristen Bell 

She looks great when she is the only chick in the movie. But when she is in a scene with another average or good looking actress, she looks terrible. It is a pretty good optical illusion - I don't know how she can look so good when she is by herself but look so bad when she is with others.

10. Uma Thurman 

I hear her name from time to time on the "Hot" list. She is a good actress, but when it comes to looks, she doesn't have it. No attraction here. She is like an ugly stick.

Of course, many of you will say "Who are you to judge?" That may be true. BUT...I am your average 30-something dude that makes up middle America. So I think I am more than qualified to judge.

Monday Male - Through a Bloke's Eyes

My Main Man, El Jefe who has an award winning blog (just like mine, of course) has agreed to become a regular Guest Blogger over here. 

What do you think aboot that? 

Are you as excited as I am?  Not yet?  You will be.   

I think he's fucking hysterical and I'm sure you'll love him too. 

Originally from Ames, Iowa, El Jefe is currently a Spanish and ELL teacher in Iowa coaching football (aka soccer) and basketball.   He's a family man who likes to run, play soccer, read, play the guitar, write songs, and lounge around the house in his boxers. 

Go visit over at El Blog de Steve.

From a Guy’s Point of View…

My buddy and I were talking this week and, as usual, we got to talking about women.  We came to the conclusion that there are a lot of guys on the internet that write about relationships, they act like they know the opposite sex or think they can explain them . I think it is all crap, that these guys don't know the first thing about women. I have dated a lot of women, been around them for most of my life, and I would never say I am an expert on women.  I don't think any guy can.  

Today though I will set a few things straight and explain some undeniable FACTS about the fairer gender.

Women don't poop

I have never seen a woman “lay a log”, nor have I ever heard one express the fact that they got the "green splats."  I bet there is some scientific research out there that says women don't produce any excrement and also don't fart. (sidenote: because of this you can no longer refer to a women's ass as a Hershey highway and you absolutely cannot refer to yourself as her personal brown eyed master.) 

Women like it when you say, "You are just like your mother."

There is no way to end an argument better, she will instantly be happy and will agree with anything you say after that.  If she replies that she will, "cut your willie off for saying that" she is just playing around, but make sure you hide any cutlery in the home just to be on the safe side.

Dutch Ovens are an acceptable, no wait, preferred form of foreplay

Women like the way men smell, this is just a natural extension of this theory. Try it tonight, I am sure she will stay under the covers and not come up for air for a long time.

A casual reminder that a pair of jeans makes her ass look fat is considered to be very helpful

In order to look out for your woman, make sure you let her know, without her asking, that she looks fat in a pair of jeans. They will appreciate you looking out for them.  She may be mad at first, but then she will realize that you are protecting her and actually paying attention to her.  Brownie points galore for this one. 

The most romantic thing you can do after a night of drinking with your friends is to…-

Sneak into the bedroom, take off your pants, and tap her on her forehead with your willie saying, "Mr. Wiggly wants to play." There isn't a more romantic way to wake a woman up, 9 out of 10 women escorts surveyed agree! 

There you have it guys! Make sure you employ this knowledge and these techniques as soon as possible for a happier and healthier relationship. Ladies, there is no need to thank me, I have given you a voice that you have so longed to have

Surprise! Coming Soon....Guest Blogger

I am soopa excited to tell you I have a Surprise Guest Blogger coming to these parts very soon, Plonkers.


I figured because I have so many female readers and followers, I would ask one of my fellow male bloggers some questions that women want to know the answers to, and have him a voice on my wee blog. 


If all goes well with my Guinea Pig, I may have to ask some of my other fellow male bloggers to do the same.


Stay tuned and keep visiting over the next few days to find out who it is.


Toodle Pip!