I Collect Gingers

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Friday's Shoegasm, a Fawk You Friday and a Vlog

<a href="http://gillianhefer.blogspot.com/"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Zxrb3e_LZ7NtAScLWKs7V_YFkJeOGvg5qLOONqS4pK9kRT5Zj2v8U-JlKYE-ZZ9p-4V9fIQI1jHgKs0JgelRJunWl_gl2EcGApt81dSl10QpUFmqRiQ324pu2D0YwJm0W7AYkKodzLQ/s1600/fridayshoegasm.jpg" alt="A Daft Scots Lass" width="240" height="217" /></a>

Today I'm taking my hubby away for the night.  We're going to Magaliesburg to stay at a pretty lodge for the night and the girls are going to sleep over at my sister's house.  I have a great surprise adventure planned for Saturday morning and I'll post about it when I get back because its still a secret.

Take my Friday's Shoegasm button and join me in posting your favourite pair of hooker heels.   

I don't know who does them or where to find them, but I LOVE these!

Manolo Blahnik US$945  Ouch!

SnazzyHeels.com $200

Giuseppe Zanotti Woven Platform Shiny High Heel Sandals $695

Badgley Mischka $245

Bebe $100

Manolo Blahnik.  You don't ask the price of these ones.

*Sigh*  I will probably NEVER own a pair of Christian Louboutins but that doesn't stop me looking, dreaming and drooling

Its also Fawk You Friday!  So, go and link up with Boobies and Christy and let it all oot!  Give these girls a whirl, they're brilliant.

• Fuck you to The Beatles who wrote Let it Be.  That song makes me cry EVERY fucking time!
• Fuck you to the disgusting Stevia pills that I'm using in my tea instead of brown sugar.  It DOESN'T taste the same, assbags.  Its blah!  But I have lost 3kg since I started using it.
• Fuck You to Natalie Portman who looked absa lootly stunning in Black Swan, which I watched over the weekend. I was gob-smacked by her beauty, elegance and acting.  Yeah, the first half was a bit slow but the second half was whacky and creepy (just the way I like it).  How can a woman who lost all her fucking body fat for this film, be so breath-taking?  Normally, I hate waifs (perhaps I'm secretly jealous - of course I am).  Ballerinas always have a magical place in my heart.  They just take my breath away. 
• A huge Fuck You to the woman from ABSA Customer Services in Durban, who just phoned to crap on me because some random guy came in to her branch telling her that he has my old phone number.  He says keeps getting text messages from the bank.  Hey! I changed my details with the bank, Bitch - who then is sending him text messages?  Me or You?  Sort it out, asswipe.  She didn't bank on getting a foul-mouthed Scots Lass on the other end of the phone who gave her "what for".

Now Plonkers, you have ONE more day to win Caption my Freaky Photo #10 so click on the link and go leave a comment.

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Yes, But Can He Dance? and a Birthday Vlog

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets. I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. 

I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a Mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet shoved a short-shafted broom up my arse and swept the floor while I complete all these tasks.

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Vlog Me, Baby. BEWARE! This Post Contains Awesomeness

A vlog meme about accents and regional names for things is going around Bloggerville. All you have to do is;  read off some words and then answer questions about what you call things.  I haven't done a vlog in a while, so here I am in all my awesomeness and my daft Scots accent.


Here is the meme in its written form if you want to follow along (because you can't understand what the fuck I'm saying) or do the Accent Vlog yourself, here are the words/questions:

Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught.

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?



I'd love to hear some of your accents...c'on, don't be shy.

I'm gonna tag a few people because I've always wondered what they sound like!

Bad Girl Blogger


Monkey Man


The Jason Show


Jesse


A Spicy Boy, a Cat and my Fat Ass