Well, cover me in ice-cream and bite my bum...

...and then tie me up with Magnetic Duct Tape?  Why would you need to magnetise something that already sticks?  Do they make it in double-sized?  Just don't use it when your hard drive is falling apart at the seams... Och nevermind....I'm just being stoopid again.

Then my mind wandered off

Or how about magnetic paint?  Well...you get blackboard paint...

What's next?  Silent Velcro?

This got me thinking about Stuff-on-a-Stick.

 Hot Dog on a Stick

Sushi on a stick

Horse on a Stick

Even Beer on a Stick

You can even pee-on-a-stick.

Smile on a Stick

This one's for Dutch Donut Girl

Carrot on a stick (actually that looks a bit phalic)

Ciggies on a stick

Stick USB on a stick

What would you put on a stick that would make your life easier?

I'm Officially Hibernating!

hi·ber·nate

intr.v. hi·ber·nat·ed, hi·ber·nat·ing, hi·ber·nates

1. To pass the winter in a dormant or torpid state.

2. To be in an inactive or dormant state or period.

Some of you may know from last year's winter post (Read it here) that I detest the winter and it depresses me terribly when I'm cold.  All I want to do is stay indoors, be depressed and miserable and preferably do it all in bed.  So, I am officially switching off for the rest of the winter.

Hibernation induction trigger (hibernation inducement trigger or HIT) is a substance found in the blood of hibernating animals and I am injecting myself with this today.  I'm powering down until the summer comes...

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Things I love....

Iron Fist Heels. 

Wish I could find a stockist in Johannesburg that has the lastest styles.

They are super cool and ultra sexy.  I need a pair very soon.

Yesterday I was surfing on YouTube and stumbled on a video from The White Stripes.  I immediately fell in love!  I mean seriously fell in love with the band's sound and Jack White's genius guitar playing.  I haven't felt this excited in ages about a band.  The last obsession of mine (musically) was  U2 and Bono aka Paul Hewson.  I collected all their records on vinyl and still think they are brilliant!

Oh I know, I can hear you saying - what is she on about?  Doesn't she know she's a grown woman? She shouldn't be obsessing about music and rock stars at her age. Well, anyone who knows me well, knows I love my music and I am never without my music.  Whether its listening to the car CD player, watching a DVD, surfing YouTube, jamming on XBOX guitar hero or listening to my iPod at work - I'm always jamming to something and looking for new bands and sounds to listen to.

I spent the entire day yesterday listening to The White Stripes - Jack and Meg White.  They are just genius - what a great band, great sound, great personalities.  Do yourself a favour and go listen to some of their stuff.  My favourite song so far is Ball and Biscuit.

Jack White

the White Stripes

Some Saturday Stuff

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 10

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 Flash Fiction Fridays.



Just when you think you’ve got your act together,made good decisions, life comes along and throws you a curve ball.  I think Life is a series of events that makes you question your decisions all the time. Fate versus deliberate choices, which should we believe in?  Leave it to faith or make it happen?

FlogYoBlog Friday over at MummyTime.  Go check it out!

Pimp My Braai

 Thanks to Irene for this one...

The new GTS Brakpan Braai....

only available in South Africa! 

Custom-made, of course.

3 litre FORD, 2 litre Coke and 1 litre Brandy....instant party!

Bafana Out But The Gees Remains

What a proud moment yesterday watching Bafana Bafana take on the French!  Scoring three goals, one of which was outruled due to offside rule and Bongani Khumalo scoring in the first few minutes of the game.  They has so many great opportunities to score more and they played their hearts out.  Well done Boyz!  What a way to exit the World Cup - with a bang!

I was beaming with pride and the excitment and tension was magical!

My Boerewors and Megan won free tickets to the FanZone at Monte Casino to watch the game on the big screen.  They enjoyed live entertainment, dancers, singers and of course watching the game with thousands of other Bafana supporters. They said the atmosphere was electric - the constant drone of the vuvuzelas, whistles, singing, drums, chanting and singing Shosholoza.  Everyone was full of Gees (aka buzz).

Will post some pictures of that soon.

Bafana Bafana vs France

Can They Do it???

Our Bafana Bois need to win 3-0 against France today at 2pm in order to go through to the next round.

Let us be honest....the chances of Bafana Bafana going through to the next stage are very slim. But we live in hope and we still support our boys!

Uruguay has to beat Mexico 2-0 and South Africa have to beat France 3-0. However, experience is the best teacher. If we examine the Fifa U20 World cup final between Ghana and Brasil, you will see an unlikely Ghana, who did not play anywhere as good as their counterparts Brasil, winning the U20 World Cup!

Who Knows...a mircale?

Go for Broke Bois!!!

Ayoba!

My Birthday Weekend

My Boerewors decided to throw me a surprise Birthday Party on Saturday...he was waaay sneaky (but I knew he was up to something).

Especially when he went to the shop because he "ran out of cigarettes".  This NEVER happens to my DH.  He always has a well-stocked supply of stoogies.  I squinted my eyes when he left for the shops...suspicion kicked in.  Suspicious Move #1.

I was clear that didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year - its been far to cold lately and I just wanted to hibernate.  However, I really didn't feel like cooking or doing dishes so I suggested we go to our local Spur restarurant for an early supper so we could be back before it got too cold and I could watch some Footie on the telly.

At 1pm he said "shouldn't we get ready to go?".  Suspicious move #2.  My Boerewors is NEVER on time and I'm always the one to make a fire under his arse so we can get to where we're going.  I hate being late.  I told him I wasn't going to change, I was warm in my flat boots, old jeans and holy jumper.  He eye-balled me.  I eye-balled him. 

When finally get got my arse out of the house, I wanted to put my coat in the boot and he ripped it from my arms and said "I'll put your jacket in the boot!".  Suspicious Move #3.  Why didn't he want me to look in the boot? What was in there?  I eyed balled him,  he pretended not to notice.  I silently got in the car.

My Boerewors then proceeded to take the fucking scenic route around our neighbourhood looking for "someone who sells flowers at the side of the road".  Suspicious Move #4.  My Boerewors only buys me flowers when we've had an argument and/or he wants to make something up to me.  Well, mostly...

Megan (my 7 year old) pipes up in the backseat: "Are we there yet?  I'm Bored!".  I said "Me Too!".  Grins from Boerewors.

Anyhoo, THEN he pulls into the garage and "pops into the shop" for snacks?!  Why on earth would we need snacks - we're going out to eat aren't we?  Suspcious Move #5 when he emerges from the shop with bag of goodies in hand.  He then mentions that the car is spewing water and wants to "check it out".  Suspicious Move #6 - there is NOTHING wrong with our car?! It is not leaking anything! Hmmmm I smell a dead rat carcass.

Back on the road to Spur, when he turns off towards my best friend Mandy's house.  Suspicious Move #7.  I said "Can we just get to where we're going already!  Stop cocking around....".  More sneaky grins from the Boerewors.

When we get inside it was "SURPRISE"! and cake was brought out, candles lit, Happy Birthday was sung with great enthusiasum and I was in the middle of a party in full swing. Awesome!

Potjiekos was cooked and eaten (thanks to the chefs), the men played with their new paintball guns...

By the time the third bottle of wine was consumed, I insisted on a home-made cardboard birthday crown with "King Gillian" written on it.  I insisted all the men dance with me (and all the women for that matter), we danced around a home-made stripper pole, we did the Waka Waka dance at least a dozen times, blue fish bowls with silicone straws were concocted and consumed.  Much fun and debauched drunkness was had by all.

All-in-all a great "surprise" and a great party.

A huge thanks to all who helped make my birthday so awesome, especially My Wonderful Boerewors.

Get Ink'd

I've just fallen in love with white ink tattoos.  Methinks my next tattoo will be a white ink tattoo.

I want to think really carefully about this inkin' and I may want to involve my girls' names somehow.  I'm toying with a wrist tattoo...Here's a designs few I like.

Love this font.

Perhaps Megan's name on one wrist and Kaylin on the other.

I like this design but its just pretty - it wouldn't mean anything

or I may go with something Scottish

A thistle?

or the Celtic Symbol of Love

Happy Father's Day

To all the Daddy's out there, have a great Father's Day.

Take the time to play with your kids. 

In your children's eyes you are the moon, the stars and sun all rolled into one.

To my Boerewors:  You're a brilliant dad and your Daddy's girls think you're the King of the World!

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Happy Birthday to Me!

29 today....again, Bloggy Friends! 
(hey, as long as I can get away with it, I'll be 29.... I don't think I'll get away with that for much longer).

Feel free to send gifts, cake, vouchers, chocolate, money, pretty heels, twinkly things and such.

Lets Rock On!

55 Flash Fiction Friday - Episode 9

Join me in playing this writing game with hundreds of other bloggers including G-Man on Fridays, called 55 Flash Fiction Fridays.




Warning!
If someone knocks on your front door
Saying they are from the Health and Safety Board
checking for ticks due to the warm weather
They'll ask you to take your clothes off
and dance around with your arms up

Do not do it!

This is a scam!

They only want to see you nekkid.

FlogYoBlog Friday over at MummyTime.  Go check it out!

Jonah Falcon

I've mentioned Jonah Falcon on my blog before in my Freaky Friday Feature and I recently read an article about him in the FHM July 2010 issue.  It got me thinking ...

See I've always said "Size Matters" because, well, to me, it does.  I guess its just personal preference but 34.29cm of male member would scare anyone! 

Jonah has been both blessed and cursed with having The Worlds Biggest Penis. 

Firstly, I think the ladies are only interested in him because they want to SEE his big willy, not that they necessary want to USE it.  I think they just want to say that they have seen it and maybe even touched it.  It's physiologically impossible for anyone to consume 34cm of rock hard manlyhood. 

Secondly, it must be hell carrying around something that looks like you've shoehorned a loofah in yer pants.

Poor Jonah who says that if he has not "made it" by the time he's turned 50 then he'll maybe give porn a go.  Hopefully by then he can still get that monster pointing north.

Did you know?

• 23 000 metres of skin can be grown for burn citims from one baby's foreskin.
• One in 400 men are flexible enough to give themself a blow job?
• 3-4 inches is the average size of a flaccid penis from tip to base.  When men were asked, this figure rose dramatically to seven to eight inches.  Is this a case of my fish is bigger than yours? Big talk?
• 100 men are born every year with diphallus.  That means two willies!
• 7200 is the average number of times a man will ejaculate in his life.  2000 of those spurts will be from spankin' the monkey.  (personally I think that self-enjoyment number should be more).

Go here to check out Jonah's goods.

Youth Day in South Africa

16 June was previously known as Soweto Day.

In 1975 protests started in African schools after a directive from the previous Bantu Education Department that Afrikaans had to be used on an equal basis with English as a language of instruction in secondary schools.

The issue however, was not so much the Afrikaans as the whole system of Bantu education which was characterised by separate schools and universities, poor facilities, overcrowded classrooms and inadequately trained teachers.

On the 16th June in 1976, more than 20 000 pupils from Soweto began a protest march. In the wake of clashes with the police, and the violence that ensued during the next few weeks, approximately 700 hundred people, many of them youths, were killed and property destroyed.

Youth Day commemorates these events.

Anyhoo, enough of the South African history lesson and, more interestingly, this year on Youth Day our South African football boyz, Bafana Bafana, are playing in the 2010 Fifa Soccer World Cup.  Whoop!  Whoop! 

They will be playing their second game of the cup and the entire country will be watched as they play Uruguay at Loftus Versfeld at 20:30.  So, out come the Vuvuzelas once again and our patriotic gear in order to support our team and scream at the telly.

Now thats so Ayoba!  Click here to buy tickets and go experience the game live! 

The Picture is Khune - Bafana Bafana's Goalie.
Happy Birthday for Monday, Itumeleng!



 

Birthday Coming Up

My Birthday is coming up this weekend and I would rather just forget it than celebrate it for a number of reasons:

• Its winter and its cold and no one wants to come to a party in winter.
• I'm dead broke
• 38 candles does not look good on a cake (more like a fekking towering inferno).
• I'm on diet to I can't have cake anyway.
• I've already received my gift from My Boerewors.
• Its Soccer World Cup and everyone will be watching the footie on telly.

Case closed.

Its 4:21am and all is not well...

For the last few days I have been waking every morning at 4:21am (well, thats what our clock radio in the bedroom says anyway).

I find it very eerie how my body knows to wake at the exact same time (to the minute) every morning?!  That to me in itself is just plain weird.  Your internal body clock never seems to speed up or slow down.  To me thats amazing..

And....just before I wake, I'm in the midst of a very vivid, very violent nightmare.  I've been suffering these nightmares and recurring nightmares for 2 weeks now.  I'm usually stuck somewhere that I can't get out of and I have to physically maim myself to get out.  I feel the pain, I see the blood, I experience the trauma.  Its awful.

My other nightmare is that I am being chased and eventually murdered.  I know it sounds terribly brutal and, to tell you the truth, I don't know where they come from.  I feel the anxiety of being chased, I feel the fatigue and intense fear.  I feel the knife slicing my throat and the warm blood running down my neck or I feel the gun exploding against my head.  I see myself lying there - dead - pale and grey.  Its so shocking and distressing to see my lifeless body there and when the police and coroner arrive I watch them pack up my body in a black body bag, tag me and zip me up.  I try to scream and tell them that I am watching - but I can't scream - I open my mouth and no sound comes out, which is incredibly frustrating and scary.

I've spoken about my epic and vivid dreams before on the Blog and that I usually look forward to my evening adventures but these nightmares are something I obviously don't look forward to.  They do not leave any intense lingering feelings behind (like my other positive dreams do) but it all the images come rushing back to me in those few seconds before you drift off to sleep again.  Those few seconds do not give me enough time to have a chat with myself to say: "Don't go back there" or "Stay Awake Dafty!".

Before I know it, I'm stuck in another nightmare and bam! its 4:21am and I can't get back to sleep...

Bring back the good dreams.  Bring on Brad Pitt and drag car racing.  Bring back movie sets and eating chocolate, floating on giant marshmallows and skipping through daisy-carpeted meadows...

Your 2010 Fifa World Cup Questions Answered

These questions about South were posted on a South African Tourism Website by foreigners around the world and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) 
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) 
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
 
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) 
A: Sure, its only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...
 
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? (Sweden) 
A: So its true what they say about Swedes...
 
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffreys Bay? (UK) 
A: What did your last slave die of?
 
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
 A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? (USA) 
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.
 
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? (UK) 
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys Choir schedule? (USA) 
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? (France) 
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? (USA) 
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) 
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
 
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? (France) 
A: Only at Christmas.
 
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (Germany) 
A: Not yet, but for you, we ' ll import them.
 
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? 
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.
 
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
 
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) 
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) 
A: Yes, but youll have to learn it first.

Face Lift

So I felt that my blog needed a little bit of a facelift.  I've been wanting to do it for a while and today was the day that I had a little bit of time to fiddle.

I'm still not sure if I like it 100% so its a work in progress.

Bear with me...don't disappear.

Let me know what you guys think - feedback and comments below.

What is a Man?

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, invincible.... 

No wait... I'm thinking of alcohol.

World Cup Kick Off Game : South Africa vs Mexico

Bafana Bafana drew 1-1 with Mexico. Hell, its still one point! What a great game...

We were not planning on having a party but we knew someone would pop over at some point to say hi (thats just what happens at our house).  My best friend Mandy and her hubby Percy and his daughter Melanie came by.  Even Chris popped in to blow his vuvuzela and have a beer wtih the guys.

There was LOTS of vuvuzela blowing, lots of shouting at the telly, snacks, pizza, booze, lots of dancing and pool playing....it was a great celebration!!

Some of the snaps. (more on FB)

Me blowing the vuvuzela

Megan blowing her vuvuzela

My Boerewors with his modified Vuvuzela...Blow, baby Blow!

BFF - Mandy and Gillian

Melanie who put on our SA flag transfers and face paint

Some WAKA WAKA dancing

I think I got dipped here...

BFF - lemmie lick your neck, Mands

Kayling dancnig and blowing her whistle

Megan and Percy playing pool

Riaan and Percy sharing a moment

Megan and Mandy - mwah!

Mandy didn't completely forget about the Mexicans. 

She wore a Sambrero for about 30 seconds.

Ariba Ariba!