Especially when he went to the shop because he "ran out of cigarettes". This NEVER happens to my DH. He always has a well-stocked supply of stoogies. I squinted my eyes when he left for the shops...suspicion kicked in. Suspicious Move #1.
I was clear that didn't want to celebrate my birthday this year - its been far to cold lately and I just wanted to hibernate. However, I really didn't feel like cooking or doing dishes so I suggested we go to our local Spur restarurant for an early supper so we could be back before it got too cold and I could watch some Footie on the telly.
At 1pm he said "shouldn't we get ready to go?". Suspicious move #2. My Boerewors is NEVER on time and I'm always the one to make a fire under his arse so we can get to where we're going. I hate being late. I told him I wasn't going to change, I was warm in my flat boots, old jeans and holy jumper. He eye-balled me. I eye-balled him.
When finally get got my arse out of the house, I wanted to put my coat in the boot and he ripped it from my arms and said "I'll put your jacket in the boot!". Suspicious Move #3. Why didn't he want me to look in the boot? What was in there? I eyed balled him, he pretended not to notice. I silently got in the car.
My Boerewors then proceeded to take the fucking scenic route around our neighbourhood looking for "someone who sells flowers at the side of the road". Suspicious Move #4. My Boerewors only buys me flowers when we've had an argument and/or he wants to make something up to me. Well, mostly...
Megan (my 7 year old) pipes up in the backseat: "Are we there yet? I'm Bored!". I said "Me Too!". Grins from Boerewors.
Anyhoo, THEN he pulls into the garage and "pops into the shop" for snacks?! Why on earth would we need snacks - we're going out to eat aren't we? Suspcious Move #5 when he emerges from the shop with bag of goodies in hand. He then mentions that the car is spewing water and wants to "check it out". Suspicious Move #6 - there is NOTHING wrong with our car?! It is not leaking anything! Hmmmm I smell a dead rat carcass.
Back on the road to Spur, when he turns off towards my best friend Mandy's house. Suspicious Move #7. I said "Can we just get to where we're going already! Stop cocking around....". More sneaky grins from the Boerewors.
When we get inside it was "SURPRISE"! and cake was brought out, candles lit, Happy Birthday was sung with great enthusiasum and I was in the middle of a party in full swing. Awesome!
Potjiekos was cooked and eaten (thanks to the chefs), the men played with their new paintball guns...
By the time the third bottle of wine was consumed, I insisted on a home-made cardboard birthday crown with "King Gillian" written on it. I insisted all the men dance with me (and all the women for that matter), we danced around a home-made stripper pole, we did the Waka Waka dance at least a dozen times, blue fish bowls with silicone straws were concocted and consumed. Much fun and debauched drunkness was had by all.
All-in-all a great "surprise" and a great party.
A huge thanks to all who helped make my birthday so awesome, especially My Wonderful Boerewors.
