How To Offend Just About Everyone!

Oh Yes, today someone WILL be offended!  Take THAT MONDAY!

Subtle or What?

• I'm living next door to a muslim couple at the moment. They have 3 little kids and they've challenged me to a water fight in the back yard, so I'm just writing to you while the kettle boils! 
• Can you spare just R2.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia . He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just R2.00, we will send you the video - its fucking hilarious. 
• I've caught a stray parrot in my garden. All he says is, "good morning you ugly prick." It's not yours is it? 
• I'm sick to death of people knocking on my door looking for donations. Just had one from the sperm bank. Boy, did I give her a mouthful. 
• Been to the optometrist today - he told me I was color blind. I'm fucking worried now that some of my buddies could be black. If you are, can you delete my e-mail address? 
• There's a new anti-depressant for lesbians on the market: Trycoxagain. 
• In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one damn point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa.
• One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Nigerians and Zimbabweans is not the correct answer 
• George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She's Eleven."
• There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Durban but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.  
• You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools!
• A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair." 
• A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."